No matter what life throws at us; like losing those we love, financial stress, career / business set backs and relationship problems – what helps us to get through the most difficult times is resilience – resilience gives us the ability to get through and come out of any situation.
We often focus on problems when they arise and may become fixated on them, rather than what helps the most. Learning to be resilient, to focus on what you want and making it happen step by step. Going through difficult times in a relationship is exactly the same, we need to be resilient focus on the end result and not give up the moment something comes up.
Resilience in relationships can help you shift your focus from who is right or wrong to what needs to be done to move forward in a healthier, happier way.
If people choose not to be resilient, they end up spending more time arguing, blaming one another and creating more of a divide between one another. Issues are not dealt with and so couples end up going their separate ways.
A couple that are resilient know that they will not give up on their relationship and do what they can to work through it together. This gives them a sense of comfort and trust knowing that they are a team working together to change things.
Here are some principles you may want to adopt to enhance your life and relationship by becoming more resilient in the face of challenges.
Always remember that it is progress not perfection that matters.
Know what you want and commit to having it no matter how long it make take. We cannot know how long things may take, especially when rebuilding a relationship. Keep going, work towards your ideal way of connecting and communicating by taking positive steps each day and week.
2. Plan of action
Always have a plan to get you out of any low points into a higher state of living and being. Without a plan, couples get stuck, they bicker, feel hopeless or shutdown. These can cause more problems – damaging the relationship further, so take some time to sit down and write out a plan to get you out of where you are. Consistent actions are what brings a couple together so look at what actions you can take and make a plan for yourself. This is how I approach saving relationships, people come to me because they lack the plan, often they feel stuck and don’t know what to do to change things. I then create a plan with the individual or couple wanting to save their relationship and be happier. If you are stuck feel free to join my relationship group on facebook or if your ready to dive in book a free 30 minute call with me where we can discuss further.
3. Avoid Complaining
Sometimes when we are stressed or there is a lot going on in our lives, it can be really easy to slip into a negative mindset and start complaining. The more we complain the more shows up to complain about and we get trapped in a cycle of negativity. This then impacts the relationship as it can alter the way you perceive things and can influence the way you react to different situations.
If you make an agreement with yourself that no matter what happens, no matter how much you may have the right to complain right now that you will not complain. You will instead get on with moving forward, even if things may be terrible for you. The world is stressed right now on so many levels, many poor people have lost jobs, loved ones and countless others are living in fear. Deciding not to complain is the best thing you can do for yourself, for your relationship and family and even nation.
Instead of complaining about the past, ask for what you need in your relationship in the present in a positive way – like I would really like it if we could do this.
When something happens that is difficult to deal with or is upsetting, it can be easy to wallow and dwell on it. Your mind may be in over drive repeating the same things again and again. You may be running all the worse case scenarios in your head. This is where the self-soothing comes in, showing love and compassion for yourself to positively bring yourself to a state of peace. Self-soothing is the ability to calm yourself down, recentre and continue forward.
This helps you to become self-reliant, less reactive and kind to yourself. It also makes you feel more confident to handle situations. A confident person makes a stronger partner in any relationship; as they aren’t afraid to look at themselves and take action to make things better. Being able to self-sooth also makes you less likely to react like a clingy or needy way. Which is very unattractive.
Nicola Beer is a Relationship and Anxiety Specialist US certified grief recovery specialist, life coach and hypnotherapist based in Dubai, UAE. If you would like to explore what the relationship and transformation programs look like you can book a free 30 minute consultation with Nicola Beer.