Women are definitely the more emotionally complex (or, as my fiancé would say, “crazy”) of the sexes. We often ask loaded questions, expecting you to respond a certain way. Then, when you don’t, it makes us question the depth of the relationship and whether you actually “know” us. We realize this is kind of ridiculous given that the right answer one day could be the wrong one the next day; it’s really a matter of the specific factors at play. Because of this, this article is not going to tell you how to respond, it’s going to tell you how not to respond. Regardless of the situation, the following responses are guaranteed to land you in the doghouse instead of in her bed.
The Question: Do I look fat in this?
|Response: “Yes.”||Explanation: While we appreciate your honesty, this is a bit too honest. The pressure on women to be thin can cause serious psychological harm, so be sure to sugar coat your honesty.|
|Response: “You’ve been heavier”||Explanation: Do not compare us to another woman, even a former version of ourselves.|
|Response: “I like to have something to hold onto” (followed by a wink)||Explanation: Applause to you for being so cute, but some women will take this the wrong way and become insecure in the bedroom, which makes sex fun for no one. While this is definitely not the worst thing you could say, you could simply leave it at “I think you look great.”|
The Question: What do you want to do tonight?
|Response: “Whatever you want to do.”||Explanation: We like a man with an opinion; decisiveness is sexy. If we wanted a tag-a-long we’d ask a friend… or bring the dog.|
|Response: “Nothing.”||Explanation: Do you really mean nothing? We’re sure you’ll do something, even if it’s sitting on the couch watching TV. Bring us into the equation by saying something like: “Let’s snuggle on the couch and catch up on our DVR’ed shows.”|
|Response: “Go out with the guys.”||Explanation: This is a perfectly fine response as long as you haven’t led us to believe we were spending the night together. Give some warning about a guy’s night if it falls on a day we usually hang out.|
The Question: Do you think [insert a friend] is cute?
|Response: “Not as cute as you.”||Explanation: Remember, comparison = bad, especially if it is to someone we’re close with. What if we secretly think she’s heinous? Then, when you say “not as cute as you,” it makes it sound like a tight race. Get it?|
|Response: “Yuck, no!”||Explanation: Girls tend to see the best in their girlfriends. This will without a doubt lead to an argument in which you dig your own grave by continuing to point out her less-than-stellar attributes.|
|Response: “For a heavy girl, sure.”||Explanation: Try not to qualify, especially by weight. It makes us think you do this to us; every insecurity flies through our heads: “For a big-nosed girl,” “For a flat-chested girl,” “For an ethnic girl,” etc.|
The Question: What are you thinking right now?
|Response: “Nothing.”||Explanation: Though this may be true, this question is usually a sign that we want you to open up. Even if you don’t want to open up on the spot (because you’re watching a game or reading the paper), say something like, “Nothing really important. We can talk at dinner.” Even if you don’t end up talking at dinner, this shows that you understand the importance of emotional openness in the relationship, which is really what we’re concerned about. As natural caregivers, we constantly want to make sure you’re OK, and as a couple, that we’re OK.|
|Response: “Honestly? I’m thinking about how much I hate when you ask what I’m thinking about.”||Explanation: We know you dislike this question, but again, we’re asking it because we think something may be bothering you and want to help. Because we usually have your best interest at heart, this reaction can be hurtful. Plus, in our defense, you get mad when we expect you to read our mind, but you shy from any opportunity to exchange thoughts. This confuses the heck out of us.|
|Response: “Why Dwayne Wade just passed the ball instead of pulling up for an open jumper.”||Explanation: Though you’re probably saying this because 1) it’s actually on your mind and 2) you have trouble focusing on more than one thing at a time, it can be read as a total blow off. Remind us that you (like most men) are not a great multi-tasker, by responding with something like, “I’m really into this game and bad at holding a conversation while I watch. Can we chat later so that I can give you my full attention?” Again, a commitment to communication may be all she wanted, so keep in mind that this does not necessarily commit you to a two hour gab fest.|
Jessie Rosen is a freelance writer and an editor at Loveawake dating site. She is a recognized expert on love, marriage, and relationships. For more information, I would recommend that you subscribe to Loveawake on Twitter or Facebook.