So, you’ve been together for a while, the relationship is going well, you’ve met his family, he’s met yours, and he hasn’t popped ‘the question’ yet, but you think it’s coming, right? Not so fast! Before we get ahead of ourselves, let’s not forget that every year as many as 40 to 50% of marriages in the US end in divorce. Of course, that’s certainly not to say that you should remain single. However, it does lend credibility to the notion of exercising a little caution.
But given that none of us can predict the future wouldn’t it be cool if there were a way to gauge marital compatibility? While no method is 100% foolproof, after years of speaking with marriage counselors I’ve narrowed it down to five questions that are great indicators as to whether you and your significant other will be able to stick it out. Here are five questions to ask your partner before saying, ‘I do.’
1 – If we have children what role do you see yourself playing in their upbringing? Children are an important part of marriage. You should know what role your partner sees himself playing in the upbringing of your kids.
Indeed, it’s important to know how interested he is in sharing your responsibilities. Make sure that he is feeling responsible and devoted to your kids. Additionally, you need to ensure that he can share both the financial and emotional stress related to the kids. If he isn’t interested in all these, that should give you pause.
2 – How do you feel about therapy for couples? Before marriage, there is much you need to know about your potential spouse. One such item is therapy. You need to ask him whether he would be open to undergoing therapy if the marriage ran into problems. Namely what you’re trying to figure out is would he like to end the relationship or will go for therapy to resolve the problem?
You must understand his state of mind so that you can confidently enter the next phase of your relationship. If the person is serious about the two of you, then he will make every effort to maintain the marriage; this means he shouldn’t have an issue with couple’s therapy. While marriage counseling is no panacea, at the very least it can promote a deeper communication with your spouse.
3 – If there was just one thing that could make you happy what would it be? Knowing this can help you get into the real character of your man. Pay attention to his response, it could be personal or it may be professional aspirations. He may even share his favorite hobbies or relationship goals. Whatever it might be, you need to ensure that whatever it is that makes him happy, suits you as well and that it’s something that you can get behind him on.
It is true that marriage is all about compromise. However, if you find that the interest is running vastly contrary to your expectations or that you aren’t satisfied with that one thing, then you may want to reassess the situation. But you should not compromise your values by making a lifelong commitment to someone whose value does not match with yours. So rather than jump into a situation prematurely only to call a family Lawyer NH on your side later, why not take the time to vet your significant other?
4 – Whose opinion matters the most to you? Knowing who holds the most influence over your soon to be husband can prove quite helpful. If your partner seeks this person’s opinion for every decision – big or small – then it could develop into a source of conflict.
Hence, what you’re really looking to learn is whether you’ll have to worry about this person overriding your concerns. If you’re confident that he only discusses trivial matters with this person then there’s a good chance that the individual will not influence your married life.
5 – If we both lost our jobs what resources could we use to pay our bills? You should know what to expect both of you lose your income. Who will make the payments in that situation? You also want to know whether there any additional assets or resources that you could fall back on should things not work out.
Knowing the answers to these questions does cover every possible scenario but the good news is that it covers the important ones.