break-upsWhenever a relationship breaks, no matter how unhappy we felt in it, the post-breakup stage is the most painful. There are memories to deal with as well as a hole in one’s heart. Moving on is what wise counsel advises broken hearts to do. Easier said than done for how one goes about it.

Firstly, the proved ‘out of sight out of mind’ is applicable. Get rid of those gifts that can cause memories to revive. Throw away those old clothes or trinkets you both bought. Or, at least keep them out of view. Memories can once more be enjoyable once time finishes the process of healing. Till then, it’s best to keep those pictures and messages at bay.

Secondly, playing the blame game will not help. Analyzing your motives or your partner’s won’t get anyone anywhere. Thinking over spilt milk will only add to the guilt. It is better to keep busy or hang out with friends and try to live a normal life. If you’re busy, there is less time to mop around.

Thirdly, don’t play detective or stalker. Most people after a breakup are so accustomed to their ex that they can’t imagine life without them. To fill the void, they are tempted to email, call or message them. At times, they even stalk their social networking pages. Even though one may feel a terrible urge to call or contact, it is inadvisable to do so if the breakup has been finalized.

Fourthly, many a time in relationships, one partner may feel used by the other. This may cause that person to heap abuse and accusations and even constantly send messages begging for a patch up. Sticking to your decision is important here if you are in the right. At times, some partners even resort to slander. It is advisable to defend oneself quietly and not take too much notice of such behavior. These reactions from someone you used to love and admire can take a toll on yourself. This could be the right time to take a break. Relax with a book or a movie or try some meditation.

Breakups hike the stress quotient; therefore, it’s a good option to aid the healing process by easing stress. Seeking sympathy is normal but too much can have its own negative points. Finding peace with oneself and being comfortable when alone too is of importance. As you get more in control of the situation, visit places you once went with your ex and try appreciating them now through your eyes alone.

Finally, laughter is the best healer. Watch a comedy series or share a joke; either way, just try to smile once more. When we are upset, we tend to view everything cynically. Even an occasional laugh can restore us and soothe those stretched nerves. Guilt, pain and fear about never wanting to fall in love again or of failing again can only be done away with if life once more becomes an adventure.